Reflection, Uncategorized, update

RELAX

When is the right time to try again?

When we first got the Trisomy diagnosis, I told Josh that was it for me. I could not imagine going through any more loss. I remember thinking, how badly I wanted a baby, my babies, and now I need to let that dream go. I remembered how someone told me after our second loss, “not everyone is supposed to have kids.” It sounds cruel, but I know they were just trying to make me feel better. I reflected on those words. Maybe, they were right? I resigned myself to not think about it. My plate was full with Linden and the unknown that was her diagnosis.

Once Linden was born, I knew that the journey was not over. As heartwrenching as it was losing her, being able to feel her and see her made everything worth while. Watching Josh getting to be a dad, holding and kissing her filled my broken heart. It was the tiniest glimpse into what our family of three would be like. We are people meant to have kids. We have a child, unfortunately she passed away.

And here we are, still not ready to try again, but I’m not getting younger. I still need some healing and some fun. Josh and I have at least talked about it, and we know we want to. For now I’m going to appreciate life, have fun, get my mind and body right, and grieve when I need to.

If you have not been to http://www.mindbodygreen.com yet, I suggest you do. The site is filled with healthy tips, recipes, and inspiration. Today they posted an article here Mind Body Green is the best about how stress can hurt your chances of getting pregnant. Something everyone dealing with recurrent pregnancy loss can truly understand. We are all hoping for the best, expecting the worst, waiting for the other shoe to drop, and stressing the entire time. It’s the most viscious fucking cycle of them all. So I am getting off of the ride. When it is time to try again, no charts, no temps, no opk’s, no facebook, no blogging about it, no stress. When I trust my body, that will be my time to try. I’ll be blogging about my adventures until then. XO

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