Mexico was wonderful. We relaxed. We sat all day in the sun and swam in the ocean. We went to some Mayan ruins and had a little zip lining adventure. We drank sweet, fruity drinks and I think I ate my weight in guacamole daily. It was beyond necessary. It was the best thing that has happened to us in a while. We will forever be grateful to my parents for giving us such a generous Christmas present. Of course there were moments when all I wanted was for Linden to be with us, but it was the first time I felt like I was living again and not just grieving.
We got back and I felt good. I felt calm, my mind felt ‘reset’. I immediately went looking for another vacation.
Things are getting better. Shit is far from perfect. A patient asked me about Linden and I could actually muster up the words “she passed away”. I immediately started crying but I said it. My goal is to be able to say, “She was diagnosed with Trisomy 13 and unfortunately she passed away.” Baby steps.