I went back to work this week. They created a new position for me, gave me a little desk in the office, and modified my schedule to about 20 hours a week. I am so fortunate to have such amazing and supportive bosses. Jena and Dr. Alex, if you read this thank you so much.
I was not sure if I was ready to go back, but I knew I had to start doing something. Sitting in grief was necessary at first, then grief became comfortable and that’s when I knew I had to climb out of it. I started to feel guilty for climbing out too quickly, but then I realized it’s not over it’s just evolving. I will never get over losing Linden or any of my babies, but I have to try to start living again. I want to be happy and laugh and love. I want to never lose hope and to help others. I want to live a full life and everyday, with a full heart, remember them. I want to make them proud. I realized in order to meet these goals it was time to get off the couch (no, it is not burned yet- in time) daily. So that’s what I’m doing. I’m not thinking too far into the future. I’m not regretting my past. I’m focusing on right now, putting one foot in front of the other, and making my babies proud.