Gratitude

The numbers

On Sunday, December 22, 2013 at 9:16 PM Linden Lilac was stillborn.  She weighed 4 lbs 2 oz and was 19 inches.  She was beautiful and perfect.  We got to bath her, take photos, and all spent the night together.  We had 12 hours and 45 minutes as a family of 3.

Even though we knew this could happen, nothing can prepare you for birth or death.  Seeing her for the first time; I knew what love is.  The absolute awe of creation.  Saying goodbye 13 hours later I still can not comprehend.  My whole being aches for her.  I would trade my very existence for another moment with her or just for her.

Thank you for reading about her and sharing this journey with me.  I know everyone will feel bad for Josh and I but instead of sending condolenses embrace this day, hug your child for an extra minute, don’t stress about the small things, kiss your partner, do something kind for someone else, take a walk in nature, appreciate everything.

Liden and dad holding hands

Liden and dad holding hands

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10 thoughts on “The numbers

  1. Denise Danley says:

    Summer, you are an amazing person and mother. I’m so glad that you had this time with Linden, she will be a part of you forever. I prayed today not for us but for my boys Zach and Sammy to take care of Linden in heaven. She is loved both here and there! Thank you for finding ways to encourage others while enduring the unbelievable grief of losing your beautiful little girl! We love you and Josh and pray for better days… they will come. Denise

  2. Absolutely beautiful picture. I don’t think you’ll ever know how inspiring you are because you are willing to share your experiences. Your outlook on life and the last paragraph surely show what an amazing person you truly are. Because of you, I will look at life a little differently. Hugs.. Lots and lots.

  3. Suz says:

    You are one of the bravest, most courageous women I have ever met. I am celebrating your bravery and the love you & your husband share. You will be in my thoughts & prayers and each and every time things get a little hard for me, know that I will be channelling your strength. Thank you for sharing your real life. I hope that at some point you can be proud of your journey and how beautifully you have shared your story. God bless you and please have a moment, even if its fleeting, of Merry Christmas. I know that you have the love and support of your family all around you. Love will keep it all together. I promise. Meow.

  4. myhopejar says:

    Oh hon, you are amazing. I read your post earlier, and then had to leave for an appointment before I could reply, but I have been thinking about you and your precious angel all afternoon. I too have an angel in heaven and no living children to hold and kiss, but I hold my son and my embryo angels in my heart every day, and I plan to kiss my hubby as soon as he walks in the door. It’s so true that we need to cherish every moment. Oh how I wish that you and I did not have this in common now, but know your sweet Linden will always be remembered and loved, and I believe both our angels are in special place in Heaven for the most precious and innocent of souls.

  5. Prentiss says:

    Summer,

    We are thinking of you all in these most hard times. Linden was loved and none of us will forget that – and we will help you to keep her spirit alive! Please know Lulu and I are here in any way that will be helpful….truly!

    Take care,
    Prentiss

  6. Melissa says:

    Summer & Josh ~ You are in my thoughts and prayers today and for the days to come, for your healing and strength. Your courage to share this journey has touched people that you do not even know and they will remember to take a step back to appreciate those little moments because you told it. I pray that you can feel god’s comfort holding you both close during this aching time. ❤

  7. lkgaddis says:

    The time you got with Linden is so precious (as is the picture). Thank you for sharing and for having such courage. After we spent time with, and ultimately lost, our little one, it put life into perspective just as you suggested. What a lesson on the important things (and not so important things). Sending thoughts your way.

  8. Kelly Farquharson says:

    I can’t stop thinking about you guys and those precious teeny fingers of Linden’s. I hope that if this blog has provided you support and comfort, that you will continue to write and share. Thank you again for the perspective – I enjoyed my family this holiday with a deeper appreciation because of your words.

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