After hearing Linden’s Trisomy 13 diagnosis multiple people have said to me, “it could be wrong” or “doctors don’t know everything”. It would always annoy me. Because I know I had huge needle take amniotic fluid out of my belly for testing that confirmed Trisomy 13, and the doctor has pointed out to me several markers of Trisomy 13 on our sonograms, but I never bought in to the “false” hope of the naysayers until now. I keep thinking what if she is ok? What if by the time she is born her heart is healed, brain is fully developed, and size is improved. What if the prayers and pleading worked? What if every tear I cried made her stronger? What if she is the exception? What if I am waking-up from the nightmare?
When I first found out I was pregnant, I was scared of another miscarriage, so everyday I would make her some promises in hopes she would stick around. I would list everything from nuturing her desires and dreams to taking her the aviary and going fishing. Most importantly, I promised her so much love from Josh and I. Unwaivering, eternal love.
Hope. What an amazing emotion. It doesn’t make sense at times and can defy logic, but we cling to it like a life preserver. I hope for a miracle. I hope my daughter is ok. I hope she is healed. I hope she can take advantage of all of my promises.