38 weeks: What if?

After hearing Linden’s Trisomy 13 diagnosis multiple people have said to me, “it could be wrong” or “doctors don’t know everything”.  It would always annoy me.  Because I know I had huge needle take amniotic fluid out of my belly for testing that confirmed Trisomy 13, and the doctor has pointed out to me several markers of Trisomy 13 on our sonograms, but I never bought in to the “false” hope of the naysayers until now.  I keep thinking what if she is ok?  What if by the time she is born her heart is healed, brain is fully developed, and size is improved.  What if the prayers and pleading worked?  What if every tear I cried made her stronger?  What if she is the exception?  What if I am waking-up from the nightmare? 

When I first found out I was pregnant, I was scared of another miscarriage, so everyday I would make her some promises in hopes  she would stick around.  I would list everything from nuturing her desires and dreams to taking her the aviary and going fishing.  Most importantly, I promised her so much love from Josh and I.  Unwaivering, eternal love.

Hope.  What an amazing emotion.  It doesn’t make sense at times and can defy logic, but we cling to it like a life preserver.  I hope for a miracle.  I hope my daughter is ok.  I hope she is healed.  I hope she can take advantage of all of my promises.  


10 thoughts on “38 weeks: What if?

  1. Saying a prayer for your little girl. Hope is an amazing emotion and there are always miracles. Always. Which is why we have hope. Your daughter is a fighter, she IS absolutely amazing already. Thinking about you and your family.

  2. lkgaddis says:

    Even if she isn’t “healed”, she certainly seems to be fighting for the chance to meet you. What a wonderful gift that alone would be!

  3. Katie Loeb says:

    You and Josh have already kept the most important of those promises. The one about love, She’s a lucky girl. Thinking of you often. Praying with you.

  4. EBToomey says:

    My emotions are so big…and my words are so inadequate. The Toomeys hold hope in their hearts too! Thinking of you and Josh and Linden every day and praying for your strength during this uncertain, and yet still, very blessed time. We love you all!

  5. Mary Hixon says:

    Funny thing about Moms & Dads, the first moment you find out that you are expecting, you give thanks and then are in constant prayer for that baby, that bundle of joy. I still pray for you, my bundle of joy. We have so much hope and love to give Linden and her Mom and Dad. What if….? Every parent asks, the answers are all different. She is strong and if she’s as hard headed and determined as her Mom it will be all the better. Faith , hope & love. The greatest of these is love.

  6. Danielle Klinger says:

    I hope all your dreams for your daughter come true. ..u and Josh deserve it …. positive vibes… hoping for a christmas miracle ♥

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