Things I am trying to prepare for but am having difficulty with.
– A birth plan. Just bringing it up was hard to do, but Josh and I found a couple of Trisomy 13 family birth plans on line and one has been rather useful. Ideally we are planning on a drug-free, natural birth. We both understand though we need to be open to change and the most important thing is to meet baby V. Including a post-mortem plans is heartbreaking. Josh said he would take care of that part and I am beyond grateful. Although we are hoping this will not be the case, this is a reality we may have to face and making these arrangements now will lessen our stress later.
– Tough questions. Yesterday at work one of our sweetest patients asked, “is your nursery finished?” I was completely taken off guard and it was like a Holyfield punch to the gut. I realized I need to A. be more prepared (I wish I wasn’t kicked out of Girl Scouts when I was little) and B. work on my poker face. This leads into the next difficulty…
– Buying baby stuff. Josh and I already talked about if we made it to 30 weeks (next Tuesday) we would start to purchase some baby stuff. We already said we would not have a nursery but need to be prepared. The “fun” stuff has now turned into an existential crisis.
– The unknown. I mean everyone has difficulty with it. My own personal unknown though is the duality of having to prepare for life and death for the happiest day of my life that could end up being the saddest day of my life. It leaves my head spinning.
I know I just want to meet my baby and my husband is the best.